Restaurant 101: take the fear out of dining out with young kids

“Let’s stop and get something to eat.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“I have lots of snacks.”

“I know. But I want a meal.”

“Ok, but only if you’re ready for it.”

Before you were a parent, eating out was a pleasure.

Sit down, have a glass of wine, read the menu, talk easily back and forth.
Leisurely enjoy your meal….

But… now you have kids.

When someone suggests stopping the car and heading into a restaurant with your toddler or preschooler on board, – “Them’s fightin’ words!”

Compared to how it used to be for you, eating out as a family is kind of, well, “different.”

You can never be sure how your kids will behave in a restaurant.

You may have already had some really unpleasant experiences that have “soured you” on eating out.

As a result, you dread eating out with your kids…

But It’s summer!

So many families are packing up their vehicles and heading on the road to go camping or visiting friends and family. Odds are you will be going out to eat at some point on your trip.

Here are some ideas for how to make the experience more enjoyable – or at least not a disaster!

Eating out is not like eating at home.

1. You are not at home in your own kitchen, at your own table, with your own dishes.
2. You are surrounded by people you don’t know.
3. It may be very noisy with loud music playing, and crowded too.
4. It may be very quiet with people using hushed voices (probably not the best place to eat, but sometimes that’s all there is).
5. You are given these pieces of paper to look at (they’re called menus).
6. You have to choose what you want to eat.
7. You have to choose what your children will eat (depending on their ages).
8. You have to tell the strange person who comes to your table what you want to eat.
9. You have to wait for your food to arrive.
10. The strange person will put it on your table.
11. The food may be very different from what you eat at home.
12. There are people walking around carrying hot food and drinks, moving from table to table.

Aside from the fact that you are eating food, there is hardly any similarity between eating out and eating at home.

A completely different set of skills and behaviours are required for everyone at the table.

No wonder it can be such a gong show sometimes!

However…there is hope!

You can approach eating out very differently if you realize that it is a LEARNED experience. You can guide your children into learning how to eat at a restaurant.

So, how can you teach your kids to eat out?

One thing for sure, simply telling them to “behave themselves” will accomplish very little.

They have to know the differences between eating at home and at a restaurant, and how they will be asked to behave in a restaurant.

Here are some ideas about how to support your kids in learning to eat out.

First of all BE PREPARED. Waiting is always part of eating out.  Waiting for your food can be the absolutely most challenging time in a restaurant! Forcing your kids to sit there doing nothing (as I have seen many parents do very unsuccessfully), does not “build character”. It just builds lots of tension and conflict!

1. Some restaurants have colouring activities or other activities for young children. Many don’t. They rarely have toys for toddlers.
2. Bring some quiet toys, books, crayons and paper, a sticker book or other activity books with you.
3. Everyone may be hungry. Hungry kids are cranky kids! It’s a good idea to either bring a small snack with you or order something quick and easy for your toddler or preschooler to eat.
4.  You can cut your waiting time if you check out the menu online before you get there and choose what you want to order in advance.
5. Children often finish before we do. That means more “waiting time” for them. Remember those things you’ve brought along with you?They will come in handy again.
6. Children can be very messy. Many restaurants are happy for you to bring along your own placemats or “Happy Mat”, or food catching bib
7. If your baby has started solids, you can bring along your food mill.
8. Some babies and toddlers don’t like unfamiliar high chairs and go absolutely rigid when you try to put them in. You might want to bring along your own portable high chair that you child is familiar with.

If your children are verbal, talk to them before you go to the restaurant, about where you are going, and what will happen.

1. Tell them what it will be like; that there will be many people and many tables. That you will be sitting at a different table, and you will be choosing your food.
2. Tell them you will have to wait for you food to come, but you will give them things to do while you are waiting.
3. When you get there, engage your children. Talk about what you see, what will happen, look at the other people and talk about what they are doing. Restaurants are interesting busy places with lots to talk about.
4. When it comes time to order think carefully about what you are getting for your children.
   1. If your children are fussy eaters, order something that is close to what they know.
   2. If you children are adventurous eaters, take the opportunity to introduce them to new foods.

Each age group has different needs and different abilities

1. Babies can be fed at any time, especially if they are breastfeeding. If they get fussy, you can walk with them outside, or very carefully inside so as not to be in the way of the serving staff.
2. Toddlers are restless and have a hard time sitting still. They need to be kept engaged and busy. The snacks and toys you bring will come in very handy.
3. Try as you might, for everyone’s peace, safety and enjoyment (including the waiters and the other guests), sometimes a restless toddler needs to go outside. 

If preschoolers are paid attention to, they really can be delightful dinner companions. Engage them in conversation at the table.

1. Remember to give them a light snack if they are hungry, or something to do if they are restless.
2. Preschoolers can be told, and can understand, some basic rules about eating out.
3. It is absolutely not safe for children to walk or run around a restaurant by themselves. Waiters are balancing hot food and drinks and accidents can easily happen.
4. Teach children to be respectful and polite to waiters. Explain the server’s job, how they have to find out what everyone wants to eat and then tell it to the cooks, and then bring it to our tables.
5. Teach your children to say “thank you” to the waiters.
6. Encourage your children to talk in their “inside voices” – this can be challenging if it’s a busy noisy restaurant.

Remember that with some thought, planning and focused attention, it is possible to have a successful restaurant trip with your children.

And the next time someone suggests “Let’s stop for something to eat.”

You’ll happily say “Great idea”

Bon Appetit!