“So here are the choices,” I said to the nice man at the computer store.
“I can take the computer and smash it, or I can take the keys, shut the store and go home. Unless you have another suggestion.”
My brand new computer had just died.
Boom. Gone.
My brand new computer to replace the old computer that had died two days before.
Having another computer crash was a fitting “one more thing” to one of those days… or weeks… or two weeks!
And, bless his heart, the owner of the computer store came right down to the store and fixed it in a jiffy. (thank you Phoenix computers, a fine example of the benefits of shopping local!)
Now, the thought of me actually smashing a computer was “out of character” as they say. People know me as being mild mannered. And I basically am.
But I was having a couple of really challenging weeks.
Too many things breaking down at once (even a light bulb exploded in the store),
a sudden staff change,
people were not following through on commitments,
and lots of responsibility landing in my lap all of a sudden… and on and on.
So when the computer died – my brand new computer- I felt like I had had it.
I was in overload.
I’m sure you have experienced this at some point in your life, or maybe many points in your life… or maybe right now?
You suddenly feel blindsided by life. It feels like there’s a snowball rolling full speed down the hill getting bigger and bigger and aiming just for you.
And it’s hard, once you feel you’re in that snowball’s path, to figure out how to step out of the way.
My troubles these past two weeks were, in the grand scheme of things, not that major. They weren’t life threatening. They weren’t tragic There were just a lot of things going wrong at once,
I let them get to me.
They say, and I believe it’s true, that once you let things get to you, things seem to go from bad to worse.
We get caught up in anger and resentment about our circumstances and old feelings of helplessness and overwhelm take over. Our brain recognizes that we are feeling threatened, so it goes into “fight or flight” mode. Our adrenaline goes up, our cortisol (our stress hormone) skyrockets. We feel disconnected and in an unfocused fog.
Then we lose our effectiveness and our ability to solve the problems that are in front of us. We allow that snowball to gain momentum.
I knew I had to snap out of the fog that was enveloping me.
Last night, I finally did.
And as a parent with young kids, I’m going to say that you could benefit from knowing how to deal with your life’s overwhelming situations too.
So, here’s a list of what I did which I hope will be helpful for you.
It was a process. It wasn’t fast and easy. It took a week for all the things to click in.
1.I talked to (sometimes “at”) my good friends about what I was feeling.
2. I made lists. I wrote down objectively all the new responsibilities I had so they weren’t flying around my head out of control.
3.I took walks.
4. I listened to a meditatIon mp3 many times. I tried to sit still, but it was a challenge. I know just listening to it helped. (it’s a great “12-minute meditation”- perfect for parents and busy people)
5. I was fortunate to be able to go for an acupuncture treatment and a massage. Sometimes hot showers or a warm bath does just as well.
6. I ate well. I had a lot of sweet cravings (which I do when I am stressed) but I satisfied it with grapes and pears and only two really healthy treats.
7. During one of my distressingly sleepless nights, I talked out loud with myself (and the cat who was very attentive) about everything I was honestly feeling. I started to look “big picture”. I started to get clarity. I looked back over my life and all the things I’ve been through, how I got through them and what I needed to do moving forward.
8. I set intentions; a really useful process. It helps me define what I want and the tiny and big steps I need to take to get there.
9. I listened to other people and heard what they were going through this week:
- My son had called asking for some resources for a friend whose baby had passed away shortly after birth
- A mom I’ve known for years, whose children are just getting old enough for life to get a little easier, came in to tell me that she was suddenly given the responsibility for a young cousin who was going through a really rough time.
- I went to a public meeting about poverty and the lives of people on the street.
- I volunteered in the election campaign.
- I got perspective!
10. I sat outside in the sunshine for a short while and really looked at the beauty around me. I allowed myself – and this is hard to do when you are feeling “hard done by” – I allowed myself to be in awe of the mountains and to look at all the positive things in my life and move into a space of genuine, heartfelt gratitude. Gratitude and negativity cannot co-exist inside you.
11. I decided to write this blog and share my experience to help you.
Life is often very challenging. Terrible things happen. We lose jobs, people we love get very ill, sometimes people we love die, our partners walk out on us, our houses burn down in a forest fire, we fall suddenly ill, we have a terrible birth, our children’s hearts get broken, our parents get dementia, we get into car accidents, we lose all of our money…. the list is endless.
We never know how life is going to go, and however it goes we have to go with it. We can’t protect ourselves or our children from life.
When confronted by hard times, we have the option at each moment, to slide into bitterness and stay there (I’m sure you know people like that), or to move through challenges with grace, emotional honesty, and, with lots of support, come out wiser, stronger, more caring and more compassionate.
I believe that modeling strength and compassion is what most parents want to model for their children.
I want to leave you with a beautiful song by Paul Simon that I’ve always loved and listened to when life was challenging for me.
If you are going through a hard time now, my love goes out to you, and I’m here to help. Enjoy the song.
