Reese Witherspoon as Cheryl Strayed in Wild. Photo by Anne Marie Fox/Fox Searchlight Pictures
A few days ago I went to see the Academy Award nominated movie “Wild” on the big screen.
“Wild” tells the real life story of Cheryl Strayed (played by Reese Witherspoon) and her three month solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail. She had never hiked before, and she really didn’t know what she was getting herself into.
Her journey was harrowing, lonely, beautiful, scary, and inspiring. It brings her from the “disaster” of her life to the discovery of who she is, her inner strength and beauty, and capacity.
Being an avid outdoors person who did a few solo backpack trips in my 20’s, the movie resonated deeply with me on many many levels.
But it wasn’t until I got home from the theatre and opened my email, that I realized why.
I want to tell you how moved I was so, let me explain…
Last week I wrote a blogpost about sleep training. It was one of the more difficult ones for me to write.
I wanted to express my deep feelings about sleep training in a way that didn’t pass judgement on moms who have done sleep training because they were pressured into it, or were told by “experts” that they had to do it to establish “healthy sleep habits”, or were desperate for sleep.
That blogpost has been the most read, and shared, of any blogpost I have written.
It has stimulated much discussion in the store. I have been stopped on the street, while grocery shopping, and at events. All people thanking me for the post.
So many moms said they felt pressured into sleep training and feel guilty if they haven’t done it. They said they love the sweetness of their babies falling asleep in their arms or lying on their chest.
The blogpost was reassuring for them.
Back to the movie…
When I got home from seeing the movie, this email awaited me from an out of area mom:
Hi Judy!
I have been to your store before and love it. I follow you on FB and read your blog the odd time. I read it the other day, and I’m glad I did. It was about sleep training. I’m not sleep training my daughter, she is 7 weeks old. I also have a son who is almost three. I struggled through sleep training with him, trying to follow the book, and not listening to my instinct. I never felt right about it. I wanted to thank you for your advice for moms who are very tired. I am! I have been struggling to get out with both kids, feeling like it was too much work. After reading your advice “remember to eat well and get outside as much as you can” I realized that my well being affects everyone else. Getting out and eating healthy is good for me, and good for my kids. For some reason I needed someone to remind me of this. So, I wanted to thank you. You got me out of my funk! I’ve been out every day this week. Take care and keep the great advice coming. Much appreciated.
And as I read that email, it struck me…
The movie Wild was like a metaphor for mothering.
Mothering, just like Cheryl in the movie Wild, is like a young woman who may be going through a difficult time. She is not experienced, and she has never been “in the wilderness” on her own before.
How brave all mothers are to take on such a momentous task!
The more I thought about it the more I realized how true it is.
Indeed, becoming a mother is truly like a journey into the wilderness.
And even if we are fortunate enough to have a partner, it can feel like a long and lonely voyage.
Once our babies are born and we are truly on the “wild trail”, we are beset, moment by moment, by the unexpected.
Though our feet, shoulders and backs may not be sore and blistered like Cheryl Strayed was in the movie, other parts of our bodies may be. Just like her character in the movie, moms are physically exhausted. We are awakened throughout the night. And even though we are so tired, we sleep with a sense of heightened vigilance and listen for every little sound and movement.
As a mother, sometimes the “trail suddenly becomes steep and rocky”. At times it seems insurmountable. Yet we carry on. Sometimes as a mother, as we “continue the climb”, we reach a wide expanse of snow ahead. The trail disappears. Somehow we have to figure out how to move forward.
“Which way do we go? Where are the guideposts we can follow? Why do our “guidebooks” just confuse us?”
But moms keep “plodding on”, sinking deep into the snow, and find the trail again.
Now and then we meet people along “the trail”. Some are friendly and supportive and boost our spirits. Some are scary and demeaning and make us lose confidence. We begin to doubt ourselves as mothers and wonder if we are on the “right” trail.
The more experienced “hikers who love the wilderness”, remind us to look after ourselves. To wear boots that fit, to eat well, to rest, to literally stop and smell the flowers. We move forward as mothers. And as we do, we begin to notice the magnificence and majesty of the “mountains and valleys” and realize that this journey is showing us our own strength, our own beauty, and our own capacity to love and just keep going.
In the movie, Cheryl Strayed successfully ends her three month trek, with a newfound sense of herself and of her purpose in life.
But for mothers, “the trail” of mothering never ends.
At times, it will test us to the maximum.
At other times it will offer us the heights of fun, joy, delight, peace, and the deep deep meaning of life.
And we just keep on keepin’ on.
As a mother, when you find yourself exhausted, or judging, doubting, and criticizing yourself, or when you are being judged and criticized by others, remember that you are probably on the most challenging, difficult and important, journey of your life.
It is full of unknowns and it is full of surprises.
There are many guidebooks, and “hiking experts”.
Some will lead you astray. Some will lead you in a harsh and barren direction.
Some will truly guide you in a way that encourages you along a gentle path that makes your heart sing.
If you have taken a wrong turn, you can always go back and change direction. Journeys (and children) are forgiving.
You are the most brave of adventurers and deserve a good rest.
And you definitely deserve an Academy Award!
PS: I still love hiking in the wild!
