True or false.
Dressing up like a princess turns you into a passive, weak, objectified, underpaid person.
I think the answer is false.
As a mom, I was always reinforcing to my daughter and son that women are strong and can do anything that they wanted, and that men are loving and gentle.
Today, as an owner of a business that focuses on little children, I am still working with little girls and boys to reinforce those ideas.
Recently I was asked if Mountain Baby would be one of the sponsors of the local theatre’s Princess and Prince dress up event.
Disney’s new Cinderella movie is set to premier in our lovely community owned and managed movie theatre.
The Executive Director, a very bright, talented, strong, outspoken, competent young mom, asked if Mountain Baby would be able to bring in some Princess and Prince dress up outfits for the event.
“It’s a dress up event – come as a prince or princess (or pumpkin or mouse or glass slipper)- whichever you prefer, and join in the games, treats and fun. And of course, watch the movie.”
I said, “Yes, of course”. I love dress up and pretend play and the magic of fantasy. I also love community events.
The Executive Director asked if I thought people would be upset about feeding into the whole princess thing.
I said, “They might, but maybe I could help with that.”
Here’s my take on it.
Many parents are very concerned about girls loving pink or dressing up like princesses.
They feel that it takes away their daughter’s power, her strength and that it feeds into a self concept that makes them “objects”; passive, weak and open to abuse and violence.
Is this true? To a certain degree, yes.
The images of princesses that little girls see in fairy tales and movies usually portray princesses as weak and helpless. And those images can be damaging.
But let’s look at what is really happening when children want to dress up as princesses.
What is a princess anyway?
Here’s the actual dictionary definition:
1. a woman having sovereign power
2. a female member of a royal family; especially: a daughter or granddaughter of a sovereign
3. the consort or wife of a prince
4. one likened to a princess; especially: a woman of high rank or of high standing in her class or profession
Not too shabby.
Is this how little preschool children see princesses?
No.
To a little 3 – 6 year old, a princess wears shiny shimmery dresses and sparkly crowns and has wands that may be magic. She dances at big balls and falls in love with (or is rescued by) a specially marvellous, kind, brave prince (whatever that is) who usually rides a horse, and just may have been a frog at some point or an ugly beast. Then they live happily ever after, whatever that means.
But even with all that fantasy, it’s mostly about the clothes. Many little girls love to dress up and be shiny and shimmery. So do many boys.
The Canadian company that Mountain Baby buys dress up clothes from, Creative Education, knows that boys like shiny and shimmery.
They also know that most parents won’t buy dress up clothes for their boy unless the clothes are “masculine”.
So they make super shiny knight capes, outfits, and even glittery swords (soft and harmless), king and prince capes and crowns, sparkly Wizard outfits, a shiny green dragon (my personal favourite), superhero costumes etc. And boys love them!
I can remember times in my professional and personal life when little boys and girls were all about the shiny dress up clothes.
When I taught preschool, we had all kinds of dress up clothes and most boys tried on the shiny stuff once in a while, and some dressed up in it often. It was always ok with me and the other teachers.
When my daughter was 2, my sister bought her this marvellous pink tutu.
Elena loved it. She wore it every day. She wore it over her sweat pants and over her jeans.
We enrolled her in a little boys and girls dance class called “Tiny Tutus for Twos”. Tutus were definitely not mandatory but Elena had hers and so did a few of the other children.
Because I had to bring my son Aaron with me, who was 4 ½, the teacher let him dance along. He loved it.
We decided to enrol him in a dance class for older (4 year old) kids. He was the only boy and he never noticed. He had a blast.
At about the same time he got interested in rough and tumble play fighting with his male friends. He wanted a toy gun more than anything (that’s another blogpost!). At preschool he spent his free play time mostly running around, jumping, climbing, playing super hero, etc.
Eventually Elena lost interest in the tutu.
But when she was five, she got to wear a red satin and lace dress as a flower girl in a wedding. She was in heaven. Wow, did she ever love that dress. So much that I decided to keep it and safely tucked it away in the closet.
One day she said she wanted to wear it to kindergarten. She was adamant about it. So I ran it by her teacher. “Sure” she said. “Let’s see what happens”.
So she wore it.. After a couple of days of not being able to move around freely, having to fuss about it all the time, she had had enough of it, and went back to her sweatshirts and pants – her favourite clothes.
My little girl and boy have long since grown up.
And even though they engaged in very stereotyped gender behaviour as preschoolers, they turned out very non-stereotyped.
My daughter is a very strong, outspoken, passionate, principled, young woman. She actively supports women’s rights, and is a strong feminist. She worked as the Executive Director of the Nelson and District Women’s Centre and she now has a great job in Victoria. She’s also a poet and a musician.
Wearing a tutu, dressing up as a princess did not diminish her in any way.
My “superhero”, rough and tumble son, is now a very strong, outspoken, passionate, and compassionate young man. He is an acupuncturist with a very successful practice. He practices advanced yoga and teaches Qi Gong.
Allowing him to do his play fighting and conquering the bad guys, did not turn him into an insensitive, aggressive man.
It’s not about the tutus and the superhero capes. It’s much much deeper than that.
If your little girl or boy wants to dress up and “be shiny”, let them do it.
Let them pretend to be great mythical beings while their imaginations are so free and their concept of reality so unformed.
Their preschool years are magical… and all too soon, they are over.
The critical variable in creating strong as well as sensitive women and men is allowing your children to be who they are.
Encourage your kids to speak their minds and have opinions. Respect and accept their full range of feelings. Model caring, love, and compassion. Model a strong set of ethics and teach them to respect others.
Parents need to be very deliberate about counteracting stereotypes, because they are still very prevalent and powerful.
When you encounter images of women being weak and helpless or men being aggressive or demeaning to women (or to anyone for that matter) I suggest you reinforce the idea that women are strong and can do anything they want to, and that men are gentle and loving too.
So if you live in Nelson, I invite you and your kids to go to the Cinderella Party. Let them dress up if they want and I’m sure you’ll all have a blast.
